I have a theory, that lack of spatial awareness development in childhood evolves into later disorganization problems in adulthood.
Make no mistake, this article is about improving your disorganized tendencies. However, I offer the following story that relates to my theory.
The most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life is a device that stops people from stuttering. People who suffer from severe stuttering magically stop when this anti-stuttering device is placed in their ear. Without the device, the stuttering returns.
What does this have to do with disorganization? Without the right tool, the disorganization will continue. Don’t miss the article, “Teaching Your Kids Good Cleaning Habits” for targeted info to help your kids beat clutter.
Developing spatial awareness
Spatial awareness development is learning about our own sense of distance and body awareness and that relationship to the space around us. It forms our spatial orientation, which helps us to execute requests to “line up at the door” or “put your backs to the wall.”
From the Institute of Educational Sciences, “Spatial awareness is also linguistic. The understanding of the positional words people use to define themselves in space is essential to spatial awareness. As children learn positional vocabulary and use it with their bodies, they develop spatial awareness. This is how children begin to develop an understanding of direction, distance, and location.”
Parents can stimulate spatial development in childhood. By using descriptive language that guides the child such as “please put your shoes in the CORNER, NEXT to the BIG pair of BLACK boots.” At the same time, a parent can nourish reasoning skills by adding information mixed with a compliment “It’s wonderful you put your shoes on the rug; now you will easily find them the next time you need them.”
Putting my theory into practice has helped me. Post-dating my theory was the Marie Kondo technique. In her book, “The Life-Changing Habits of Tidying Up” she encourages self-talk when cleaning as a tool to declutter: “Does this shirt give me joy? Nope, it will be donated.”
My technique is simple. It may not work for everyone, but for people whose brains are “wired” like mine, the possibilities are exciting.
The disorganized trail running through your house
Consider this scenario: you walk through the house, taking an item out of a cupboard, using it, setting it down, opening doors up and not shutting them, looking at mail and leaving it where you last looked at it. Predictably, there is a trail that marked your movement throughout your home. Do this often enough and your house will look like a disaster area.
Why do some people have a problem with this and other people do not? It could be the way in which you were raised and the examples of organization that shaped your life (or lack of spatial development modeling). Factor in some ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder and the clutter multiplies faster.
For both ADD/ADHD minds, a major aspect of it is struggling with giving attention to the task at hand. Note that nutrient deficiencies can mimic this same focus deficit, such as low iron and dehydration.
You already know the side affects of a disorganized home: the humiliation when an unexpected visitor arrives and looks upon your mess, the frustration of not finding an important piece of paper, the loss of respect from your children and spouse that you don’t “have your act together.”
What can you do? People with ADD/ADHD can take medication, which is not a cure-all. Learning good organization habits and using the right tools to keep organized are essential to your success. Today, however, I am going to give you a very special tool – a technique like no other.
I realized I was on to something big and decided to start applying this approach to my housework… and to one thing more: my children.
-Renee’s Rabbit Hole
Spatial development and clutter
My theory was formed after attending a presentation where the speaker mentioned spatial development occurring in childhood. He then gave this example, “A toddler looks through a window and sees a bird and is excited. The parent comes over to the window, sees the bird and comments, ‘Yes I SEE the bird. The bird is BLUE and is IN the tree. Doesn’t the bird SOUND pretty?’”
What the presenter was demonstrating was using language to make spatial, visual and audible connections with a child. He added that this is how children develop these concepts through these “teachable moments.” My mind flashed. Was that my problem? Was my lack of disorganization due to the lack of spatial development in childhood?
Why did this hit me so heavy? Let me give you some background. My mother also suffered from disorganization. She grew up in the 1950s. Her parents owned a furniture store which my grandmother worked in. This was at a time when it was uncommon for mothers to work outside of the home.
Their family had a housekeeper and their children had daycare providers (not a normal case in the small Midwest town). My mother, the youngest, lived in awe of her father and tagged after him everywhere. This lifestyle denied her direct development of homemaking skills. She didn’t perform housework or cooking duties and didn’t see it modeled. Sure, my mother cooked enough to get by, but lacked the desire to teach homemaking skills to her children.
My aunt and my mom’s senior by 10 years shared the same experience. She added that the housekeeper was directed not to interact further with the children or have them do any housekeeping or cooking at all.
She talked about being shamed by her new mother-in-law that she didn’t have any homemaking skills. The MIL soon got busy educating her new daughter-in-law. The skill of cooking in our community was a source of women’s great pride. My greatest memory of my aunt were memories of her being an amazing cook, gardener, and food preservationist, so she learned.
Calm and order – by luck
My housekeeping education was the verbal order of “go clean your room!” This common command is useless without the addition of patient guidance and training from the parent. I’ll expand more on this in a minute, but wanted to point out where many of us lacked “direction” in childhood.
I clearly remember on more than one occasion, asking my mother what she wanted for Mother’s Day or Christmas and it always was the same answer, “I just want a clean house.” It wasn’t that we didn’t have a clean house, but it was only for special occasions when people were coming over. Tupperware™ parties, card parties, and Christmas Eve were always preceded by a cleaning frenzy. These brief moments of calm order were utter bliss.
Now would be a good moment for you to shut your eyes, take a deep, relaxing breath and picture your moment of bliss. Hold onto all of the goodness that the moment brings you…
One day when I had just gotten done with some Saturday cleaning and was about to put the vacuum cleaner away, the doorbell rang. It was a college friend who just on a whim was in the neighborhood and decided to drop in unannounced. I thought I had won the lottery. No, IT WAS A MIRACLE! My house was neat and tidy and standing at my front door was the one person that my house had better be clean for.
I want everyday to be like that and I bet you do to. Calm and order are good. Your family will reap the benefits of a less stressful and happy environment living in a clean home.c
I felt like I won the lottery when an unexpected guest dropped in.
-Renee’s Rabbit Hole
The “Self-Talk” technique to beat a cluttered home
I call the technique self-talk for a tidy house. Self-talk extends my focus, calms me down, and helps me get mundane household tasks done. Self-talk involves telling yourself verbally the details of the job and why it needs to get done. It would be just as if you were explaining to a child the reasons for completing a chore.
It may sound ridiculous that you have to tell yourself something you already know. As an adult, we know that household chores need to be completed to live in a clean house. But remember, your spatial development and reasoning may have not been fully stimulated in your childhood.
Basically, you are vocalizing the desired outcome. If you have ever struggled with chronic disorganization all of my adult life through the use of ‘talking myself through it?’
Let’s put this technique to work with real-life scenarios.
Scenario #1: Making my bed
I went from never making my bed to making it everyday (FYI, the success rate goes down when I am in an enticing project). I will use the examples of Emotional, Rational, and Straightforward self-talk to tackle making a bed:
“I like the feeling of seeing a neatly bed – it makes me feel good” Emotional
“If my bed is neat, it will be hard to be messy in the other parts of the room” Rational
“I need to do this, it should be done daily” Straightforward
The self-talk is more effective speaking out loud. Keep the conversation going with yourself. At some point it will become internalized.
Self-talk helps with unbearably mundane tasks, helping you push through them
-Renee’s Rabbit Hole
I’ve tried many times before to get on the daily bandwagon and make my bed. In fact, I even brainstormed ways to invent things to make my bed for me (my amazing ADD brain at work!). The thought of ‘I’ll do this to be a good example for my kids’ didn’t work either.
As simple as this technique is, I changed a life-long bad habit in less than a week. In fact, the change was so effective that if I saw the bed unmade, I had this indescribable urge to see that I did make it.
The self-talk kept my attention focused so the mundane task didn’t seem unbearably long. At this point, I realized I was on to something big and decided to start applying this approach to my housework… and one thing more: my children (see below).
Scenario: Cleaning my kitchen
Here I am on a Saturday, overwhelmed as usual. Where do I start? It’s after lunch and the dishes are still on the table. My nature is to throw a meal on the table, eat, and rush to the next attraction, not doing the dishes. “It’s just the way I’m made” you might hear someone say. Hey, it’s OK to admit that out loud. Acceptance is a step in the right direction, but it won’t get my dishes clean!
I make myself march back into the kitchen and fill the sink with water. I feel angry. I want to run off and do something fun. It’s time for some self-talk!
“I want my kitchen clean”
”I like the feeling when I step back and see my kitchen clean”
FOCUS ON SPECIFIC TASK: ”I need to take that crockpot off of the countertop, wash it and put it away. After that, I just have to wash off the countertop and that spot will be clean.”
Sometimes I can be “in the zone” and I will actually enjoy cleaning the kitchen. My mind is empty and the job doesn’t require my brain to be engaged – it’s relaxing. When my mind is preoccupied with other things, I find it impossible to get the job done at hand. It is this time that self-talk reels me end and extends my focus. I finished cleaning the kitchen that day. I was angry and impatient, but it dissolved away. Self-talk had worked.
The kitchen is a good example of a place where I do a half-hearted job. It drives my husband crazy that I throw scraps in the sink and will not wash them down the disposal or I will leave my dishwater in the sink after the dishes have been washed. Self-talk has been a blessing to assisting me on seeing these jobs through to the very end.
Scenario: Modeling self-talk to children
If you have kids, you can work on your spatial awareness self-talk, and help them at the same time.
Scenario: Child walks in and throws coat on the floor. Start the sentence and let the child finish it… examples given below.
”We can’t put the coat on the floor because it makes the coat dirty.”
”We can’t put the coat on the floor because someone will trip on it.”
”We can’t put the coat on the floor because it makes the floor look ugly – it makes my house look messy.”
Kids are pretty creative. Be ready to be entertained with how they justify things!
The magic affects disappear when the support of self-talk stops.
-Renee’s Rabbit Hole
Scenario: Child will not sleep in own bed.
Here is an unusual situation. My six-year-old daughter would leave her bed in the middle of the night and slip into my husband’s and my bed. It was just like clockwork and got to be quite humorous. She was so quiet we didn’t even realize when she popped in. We tried everything to get her to stay in the room: leaving a brighter light on, stuffing animals in her bed, talking with her.
I had an idea. When I tucked my daughter in, I told her to repeat after me:
“I like my bed. My bed is soft. I don’t want to leave my bed tonight and go all the way downstairs. I want to stay in my warm, cozy bed.”
Parenting is a struggle full of many tricks. This one worked. Be sure to visit my article Teaching Your Kids Good Cleaning Habits” for more tips in teaching your kids how to clean.
What happens when we don’t self-talk?
Just like the device that restores perfect speech for people with stuttering challenges – when removed, the magic affects disappear – just like your good habits will. Such is the case when I walk in the house after a stressful day at work.
We’ve all experienced those days; we just shut down. I’m always amazed at my inability to function. I mindlessly walk through the house, up to my old tricks, leaving that famous trail of destruction behind me.
I hope I’ve made my case to keep this up! By using this method you can successfully become more organized, feel better, and become more confident (and ready for any surprise guests!).
The same important message is always there, be kind to yourself, you will have those off days.
#inthistogether -Renee
RESOURCES
https://www.asha.org/public/speech/development/activities-to-encourage-speech-and-language-development Activities to encourage speech and language development
