Let’s Discuss… Failure
I was clearing off an old voice recorder, surprised to find some earlier thoughts about myself from a few years ago. Me present wanted to give “me” past a big hug when I heard it.
There were insights that definitely pointed to a pattern. A whole lot of trying was going on, and not much success.
When failures seem to replicate, I want to toss this odd brain of mine right out the window. Earlier, I asked all of you a direct question, do you like yourself? I was referring to if you liked the part of the way your brain was wired, or frustrated with it.
It certainly isn’t easy to make the most out of this disorganized brain life gave us.
Table of Contents
Reflecting on our disorganized brains
Let’s think this out.
I’ve got some time on my side, enough foundation to look back. If you’re a younger person visiting this site, you may not have enough data to draw from. Even if you lack a journal record, you can sit and think of all the things behind you that you feel are labeled as failures.
These may include things you’re disappointed in, or yourself. I can’t speak for you, but personally, it frustrates me to set goals that I seem unable to reach. It makes me feel helpless and not in control of my life.
Is it failing to reach the goal that defines failure, or failing to control my shortcomings?
Is it failing to reach the goal that defines failure, or failing to control my shortcomings?
–Renees Rabbit Hole
No doubt about it, there is a pattern. My pattern contains lack of reality, short-lived bursts of enthusiasm, and over-focusing on details that didn’t move me forward. Do you have your own pattern that is sabotaging success?
We’ve all absorbed the inspirational messages: “believe in your dream “you can do anything” “you’re special”. The waters of real life get murky, folks. It’s hard to see clearly in this atmosphere of delirious, misguided hope.
That sounds awful, doesn’t it? Pessimism at its finest. It goes against every Disney movie, every happy ending we’ve ever bought in to.
I might have mistakenly embraced the idea that I had a chance.
Brain baggage
You’re not going to believe this, but reality is your friend. The best thing you could possibly do is to get perspective on this.
Your own doesn’t count. It doesn’t count because you’re too hard on yourself, and you’re too distracted that you can’t see your wins. You also can’t see how to approach your goal in a way that aligns with success.
It’s not that success didn’t find you, you didn’t find success (I’m feeling so Yoda right now!).
Again, take me for example. Here’s what made reaching my goals harder (in the context of a side hustle while having a full time job,, which I still do):
- too many competing obligations (time wasn’t there)
- selecting too niche of a topic
- over-focusing on small stuff that didn’t matter
- over-complicating things
- lack of perspective, sounding board
- inability to network and ask for help
Honestly, the fire that burns inside of me seems to be endless. I have no idea where this force of nature comes from. In the legendary super powers rumored among ADD/ADHD minds, I still fail.
We are slow learners. For those who see success early – I feel they got lucky. The rest of us have to continually climb over our baggage and brains every day. No wonder we can’t get ahead.
It would be tragedy if you set yourself up for great disappointment, when there are so many stars shining in your sky.
–Renee’s Rabbit Hole
Keep trying, or quit?
Sorry if this is anti-climatic, but we need to reframe our failures. If we don’t, we will never feel good about ourselves. For the most part, our brains are going to keep doing what our brains do. That is what really struck me when listening to that voice recording – nothing in my life had changed.
Yes, I wish that all of my past efforts had paid off in success, and I would be reaping the rewards right now. Looking back, how did I do it all? There are parts and pieces of my history that amaze even me.
In this moment, I am at a crossroads. I’m glad you’re here, because this is an important spot to be in. It’s where pivots happen, choices are made.
Are you going to keep doing what you are doing, or give up on it? I have been asking this question to myself for years. How many of you tell yourself, “just one last time” or “I know I can do this if I keep trying”. Curse this mind of mine!
It is my biggest fan, the optimistic cheerleader, the coach that doesn’t take no for an answer. It talks me into pretty crazy things. I’m struggling here. In my mind echoes the words, “God would not have put this dream in your heart if he didn’t want you to have it.”
What do I do?
Reframing success
This makes me think of Olympic athletes who train for years to have one brief chance at winning. That’s what we are – Olympic athletes in training for our big moment.
I don’t think quitting is an option. Shifting our view on success is. Either way, I’ve spent a lifetime chasing that dream and whether I like it or not, that window is starting to close (although I do envision myself as an active 90-year-old, we cannot predict the future).
I am forced to look back at what I have achieved as success. Learning new skills, figuring a challenge out, realizing what I have achieved compared to others is kind of shocking. A small example, I dusted off some old articles from a now defunct website – they were so fun to read. I love to write and it shows. I count it as my super power.
For the record, I would also like to mention that I have dragged my resistant side-kick of a brain along. I have moments where I have proven to prevail over it.
When you reflect on your own life, I hope these thoughts don’t leave you feeling sad. I hope that if you haven’t before, you can recognize highlights and wins in your life. The fact that you have tried is so commendable.
You’re not alone in having these feelings. Kindness starts with being kind to yourself. It would be tragedy if you set yourself up for great disappointment, when there are so many stars shining in your sky.
