There is an epidemic among older woman saying they’re starting to feel “invisible”. There’s even a name for it – “Invisible Women Syndrome”. If you’re feeling overlooked and dismissed, I feel for you. I suspect men feel it, too.
Whether your teenage kids are ignoring you, or finding jobs in your 50s seems to be getting more difficult, being unseen seems so… disregarded. Years of accumulated wisdom seems unrelevant.
I extend a hand of understanding. You may even experience your support network and family taking you for granted. You’re not alone, it may be a new time to turn your love inward.
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Invisible in the workplace
I feel sad that I even have to write about this. All my life I’ve been quiet, a natural introvert, quite content to blend into the background. It was all fine by me.
All I can say, you don’t feel the hurt of being invisible until the passing over happens to you. To be clear, there seems to be two aspects to this: the loss of youth and beauty (and the attention that comes from it), and the rejection of talents, skills, and contributions.
The two channels can merge into one: ageism. I recall an older coworker being annoyed with her perception of this. I never saw her age, only her ability, and we made a good team.
“The thing about being invisible is, you’d think it would feel light and airy and easy, no pressure, but it doesn’t. It’s the heaviest thing I’ve ever known.”
— Kathleen Glasgow
My ageism story
I’ve experienced this in the workplace as the IT support person at a nonprofit. No, I don’t wear tan pants and a polo (which seems to be a universal uniform among tech people). I’ll be talking with an outside tech person, and they’ll tell me “let the person you use for tech support know about this.”
I politely tell them, “that would be me.” I don’t fit the norm (as I said, no tan pants). My generation grew up without Internet and computers, and didn’t go into technology fields. And most of all – I’m an older woman in a tech field. I guess three strikes for me.
What else? Recently it dawned on me, I was the oldest person left at my organization. Egads, when did that happen? Do I get some type of award? No.
As I approach my 20 year mark, I see flowers and a congratulations balloon sitting at the desk of my coworker (10 year anniversary). My boss has spent the last few years trying to figure out how to acknowledge staff milestones.
I admit this was a nice touch, unlike the time everyone over x years was recognized with some agency swag. He liked my jacket so ordered everyone the same – which I was skipped over because I already had one. My older coworker’s jacket was too small, and that was the end of it. #fail
There is value in being bitter, it can make you stronger.
-Renee’s Rabbit Hole
I now see coworkers marching off to group lunches together, with not so much as a farewell or invitation. That was not the norm when I was a younger employee (I blame this behavior on some bad actors). Ironically, these are the same ones on the comittee tasked with inspiring coworkers in the workplace 🙁
It’s true that younger coworkers are running with less information than you are. They lack seeing the bigger picture and the deeper wells of past experience to draw from. This ultimately results in a shortage of etiquette. Their poor decisions are made up front.
The pièce de résistance, however, was finding out I was getting paid less than someone I had outworked, outsmarted, outcreated, out-contributed in my 15 years beyond his.
Now I understand why men and women get crotchety in their old age.
I had been taken for granted. My role as the agency Swiss Army Knife had counted for nothing. My contributions that saved the agency thousands of dollars had not been acknowledged. I was devastated.
Sue Heck, my hero
Sue Heck, the quirky teenager from the sitcom “The Middle” plays the overlooked middle child. Her epic bad luck sharply contrasts with her relentless optimism. Throughout the series, Sue experiences painful episodes of not only being disregarded by her family, but her classmates and the rest of the world as well.
In one episode, her family forgets her birthday. In another, her years of perfect school attendance are bittersweet when her name is announced wrong at graduation.
Sue is the perennial loser underdog. As one fan put it, “I love her and root for her everytime despite knowing the outcome of her actions.” Through it all, her perseverance prevails.
I’ve always related to Sue. I wish I had her enthusiasm, but the show isn’t real.
This feeling of being invisible has triggered a frustrated reaction from many, women in particular. The meme “Karen” – the bitter, miserable, and resentful stereotype of older women – may be a result of the invisible epidemic.
Sadly, even when woman DO have something of value to offer, it means nothing. Often, looks are the only thing valued in women regardless of what they may have accomplished. The sense of invisibility in social, professional, or public settings leads women to feeling less seen or heard as cultural narratives shift focus away from them.
Red Hat Society
I can’t help but think about the origins of the Red Hat Society. I’m sure feeling invisible was part of it. The current generation of members are the exiting women who were first in the workforce. It also includes women that served as homemakers, yearning for the same respect.
“Red Hat Ladies” refers to members of the Red Hat Society, a global social organization for women. It was founded in 1998 and is dedicated to promoting fun, friendship, freedom, and fulfillment for women, especially those aged 50 and older. Members often wear red hats and purple attire to symbolize their vibrant approach to life. Women under 50 can also join, wearing pink hats and lavender outfits until they reach the milestone age.
The society encourages women to embrace aging with joy and confidence, hosting events like tea parties, theater outings, and other playful gatherings. It’s all about celebrating life and creating lasting friendships.
Conclusion
I may not have offered solutions, but the solidarity of a shared, painful experience. Seeking out companionship with people of your generation can smooth out some of the invisible feelings.
There is value in being bitter, it can make you stronger. Although I avoid confrontation, I argued for a raise – a significant one – and got it. It should have never gotten to the point that I had to detail in length my accomplishments, contributions, value and work ethic I brought to the company. My loyalty was lost forever.
Inspiring quotes get me through a lot, I encourage you to collect some to get you through these rough waters. I think they help me because they make me feel understood.
I hope you leave here feeling that, as well. #inthistogether -Renee
