Appreciating My Mom’s Unique Brain
I was the typical teenager, annoyed with my mom. I was frustrated with her clutter, waiting to do everything at the last minute, and always running late.
It takes a lot of maturity to understand our parents, instead of focusing on their negatives. As adult children, we begin to empathize how hard it is to be a parent, especially when you throw in mental challenges.
New thoughts on the past
I feel that maturity starts at the age of 50 (or almost). Seems kind of late, doesn’t it? My mom passed away when I was 49 – and a half. I was finally ready to stop being a jerk and have some real, meaningful conversations with her. Looks like I missed out.
To be truthful, I’ve processed this for a few years now. It’s been a journey of trudging through the past, playing the blame game, and then finally seeing some sunshine on the other side.
Here goes…
My mom was creative. Her creativity manifested in beautiful hair-dos, snappy outfits with perfectly matching jewelry, and crafty projects. My god, could that woman wrap a gift. I thought she was self-centered, I now know this was her self-expression.
My mom was classically late. Time management eluded her. My sister even told her an event was happening an hour earlier than it was, to guarantee her arrival.
My mom was messy. I understand that her brain was more excited about other things. Cleaning would just take away from the fun brain time.
My mom had beautiful penmanship. There are some attention to details that cannot be explained. Such as her insistance in finding the perfect addition to a project. She also kept meticulous records, a contrast to the disorganization in her life.
My mom was fun. She was a social butterfly – a loyal friend, too. She could think outside-of-the box. Many people enjoyed conversations with her – and dancing!
My mom – possible ADD?
It’s taken some time to accept that she also, likely had ADD tendancies. If she was around today, sure, I would be frustrated with her at times. But there would be new conversations, as mother and adult daughter. How neat that would have been.
Funny how we view the world differently as adults. The good thing is, this knowledge would have helped me approach our relationship differently. It would have removed some of the tenseness I felt between us. I really do feel bad – I did behave like a prick at times.
Is it weird to say that I can’t wait for my 70s, when my kids will hit their 50s? You can’t rush maturity and their mental processes. I’m a little sad, knowing that they can be frustrated with my brain. I squirm a little when I look at them with a guilty face, surrounded by my mess. I feel sad when I feel the vibes of disappointment in me when I have dropped the ball.
I have tried really hard to make up for what I perceived as my own mom’s failures. My helicopter reactions are noted as undesirable qualities. If my kids only knew how important it was for me to be the 100% mom. I thought by dropping everything at a moment’s notice, I was showing them signs of love.
Now, I realized I might have sacrificed a little too much, but old habits are hard to die. Maybe it is all not for nothing, maybe my love and attention will be cherished – at a later date.
Love your mom today – no matter where she is! And be kind to her, from one adult to another. – Renee
When I was a kid, and we’d all be in the car ready to leave on vacation, my Mom would always run back into the house for what seemed like forever. We would all wonder what she was doing in there. Now I know what she was doing. Everything. She was doing everything.
-The MomTruthBomb
