Hey there, fellow messy-brained human. If you’ve ever felt like your ADHD makes you “too much” or “not enough,” let’s sit with that for a second—because I need you to hear this loud and clear: You are not broken.
So, how do we move beyond this? First, we stop apologizing for our brains. We embrace the way we’re wired and find ways to work with it, not against it.
You are not alone in this. You are not failing. You are navigating a world that wasn’t built for brains like ours, and you’re doing it with resilience, humor, and heart. And that? That’s something to be proud of.
Table of Contents
ADHD, an Excuse?
While doing some holiday shopping at a department store, I chatted with a young salesperson behind the electronics counter. My questions to him were brief, but somewhere in talking, he managed to mention his ADHD brain.
That turned me off fast. First of all, his mention had nothing to do with what we were talking about – at all. I don’t even know the guy, and he is telling me something very personal about himself.
It felt like his ADHD was a handy crutch to pull out whenever he felt like it. I don’t lack empathy, I despise excuses.
Understanding Coworkers
ADHD ranges from mild to very debilitating. In my 20 years in a business setting, it isn’t until recently that I witnessed younger employees asking for special accomodations – for all sorts of things.
They expect employers to reach them half way. Honestly, it’s something that I am not used to. Part of my mentality is “Suck it up, Buttercup!” Hardworking coworkers can be frustrated with carrying the load when others struggle.
I’ve also witnessed people who really are quite challenged. As an outside person looking in, coworkers may be confused. I know I sure was. What I do know is that I’ve spent a lifetime working on my shortcomings, it takes time.
For younger persons with more severe ADHD, they have to figure it out, too. For some of them, this means medication to calm the waters. It will take years of trial and error to put systems in place. It also takes patience from understanding coworkers.
Stuart Anderson presents a very thoughtful take on this in his video. He had made some mistakes on the job, but owned it. He models a productive conversation with his boss that takes a responsible stance for his behavior with problem solving strategies.
Taking Accountability
ADHD is not a free pass to ignore responsibilities, mistreat others, or avoid putting in effort. But at the same time, ADHD does come with legitimate challenges:
—executive dysfunction, emotional dysregulation, time blindness, and difficulty with organization, to name a few. The key distinction? ADHD isn’t about a lack of care or motivation—it’s about neurological differences that make certain tasks more difficult.
ADHD is a real challenge—but it’s also important to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. If someone seems to be using ADHD as an excuse rather than seeking ways to work around their struggles, here’s a balanced approach you can take:
1. Acknowledge their struggles first
Instead of dismissing their experience outright, start with empathy:
- “I know ADHD makes some things harder, and I get that it can be frustrating.”
- “I hear you—ADHD can be overwhelming sometimes.”
2. Shift the focus to solutions
Encourage them to find ways to work with their ADHD rather than letting it limit them:
- “I totally get that ADHD makes focus tough. Have you tried breaking things into smaller steps?”
- “It’s okay if ADHD makes things harder, but what’s one small habit that could help?”
- “How about we role-play conversations with staff/customers?”
3. Gently challenge the ‘Excuse’ mindset
If it feels like they’re avoiding responsibility rather than managing their ADHD, you can steer the conversation toward personal agency:
- “ADHD is tough, but it’s not a reason to stop trying. What do you think could help?”
- “I hear you, and I know ADHD can be frustrating—but what’s something you can do instead of focusing on what’s hard?”
4. Offer support, not judgment
People with ADHD often deal with internalized shame, so coming from a place of encouragement makes a difference:
- “You’re capable of so much, and I know ADHD makes things harder—but I also believe in you.”
- “ADHD is real, and so are the ways to manage it. I’d love to help you figure out something that works for you.”
Own it
Every day, you should wake up and embrace your brilliant mind. Remind yourself of the special parts of you that rock.
You have unique contributions to give the world – not excuses. You can do this, even if it’s one day at a time. Go forth and own your uniqueness!
#inthistogether -Renee
