Okay, be honest—how many times have you said, “I just need to clean my desk first” before starting something important? Or convinced yourself that one more online course will FINALLY make you ready to chase that dream? Or you’ve created the most twisted rabbit hole when you finally do get into a project. Yeah… me too.
This delaying is called perfectionism, and here’s the thing—perfectionism isn’t helping you move forward. It’s keeping you stuck. It’s time to call it out, break the cycle, and start actually getting stuff done. Let’s go.
Table of Contents
- Perfectionism: The Sneaky Roadblock
- The Sneaky Problem of Front-End Perfectionism (and Its Evil Twin, Back-End Perfectionism)
- Escaping the Perfectionism Spiral: How to Finally Move Forward
- The Bottom Line
Perfectionism: The Sneaky Roadblock
Jessica McCabe from How to ADHD puts it perfectly: “Perfectionism is a bad driver—it turns us around when we hit the first pothole because conditions are not ideal… Perfectionism is good at avoiding one thing on the road of life—rejection. If we never put ourselves out there, no one will ever see our flaws.”
The Fear Factor
Do these thoughts sound familiar:
“I don’t feel ready.”
“I don’t feel confident.”
“I don’t feel prepared.”
We love to tell ourselves these things. And honestly? It’s just fear in disguise. Fear of failure. Fear of success (yeah, that one’s real too). Fear of looking stupid, not being good enough, making mistakes, or being judged. But the only way fear actually goes away is through action.
The bottom line: fear is an uncomfortable feeling, and we would do anything to avoid that discomfort. So we stop before we start, hoping to hide any incompetence or flaws.
It Can Get Worse
Ugh! And then there are other factors: Imposter syndrome, anxiety, RSD (sensitivity to criticism), or overwhelm that are ready to block us at every turn.
Paula from I’m Busy Being Awesome says that adults with ADHD struggle with Cognitive Flexibility, being able to adapt to new situations, switch our thinking, and see things from multiple perspectives. Instead, we take an all or nothing approach. Add to that, we set impossible or unrealistic goals.
Instead of “Okay, this isn’t going as planned, I’ll find another way.” we barrel through, thinking we can force it.
We think about getting started on something, and those thoughts make us feel uncomfortable. It’s the thought causing the discomfort – not the thing we need to do.
–ADHD Coach Mande John
The Sneaky Problem of Front-End Perfectionism (and Its Evil Twin, Back-End Perfectionism)
There are two kinds of perfectionism, according to Steve With ADHD Youtube Channel. He breaks them into:
- BACK-END Perfectionism
- FRONT-END Perfectionism
You ever find yourself saying, “I can’t start my homework until my desk is perfectly clean”? Or “I got a late start today, might as well just start tomorrow”? If so, congratulations—you might just be a Front-End Perfectionist!
And trust me, I get it. Everything has to be just right before you can start – it’s classic perfectionist behavior. You have to be in the perfect mood, the perfect surroundings, with the perfect tools, at the perfect time. And by the time all those perfect conditions align? Well… they don’t. And suddenly, the deadline is looming, and you haven’t started.
But wait—there’s another sneaky perfectionist cousin lurking in the shadows. Back-End Perfectionism. This one kicks in when you’ve actually managed to start the thing, but now you’re obsessing over every little detail, afraid it won’t be good enough to actually finish.
Whether you’re stuck in the starting process, or in a holding pattern in the project itself, both can zap your precious energy – leading to a big pile of nothing burger.
Steve breaks it down for us: Front-end perfectionism is something we struggle with when we’re afraid we can’t do something right. Back end perfectionism is something we struggle with when we’re trying to prove we can do something right.
Both are troublemakers when it comes to getting stuff done. Let’s take a closer look.
Front-End Perfectionism: The Art of Never Actually Starting
If you struggle to begin a project because everything must be set up perfectly, you’re dealing with Front-End Perfectionism. This mindset convinces us that starting isn’t possible unless the conditions are ideal. But let’s be honest: waiting for perfect conditions is just fancy procrastination.
By the way, beware of Shaving the Yak – productive actions that aren’t productive.
Unfortunately, the Front-End Perfectionism turns into a spiral. It often starts with one condition, and that one leads into other conditions.
Ever found yourself saying:
🧐 “If I just had this one piece of equipment, I’d be able to start!” → Cue unnecessary online shopping.
🧐 “I need a solid five-hour chunk of uninterrupted time!” → Oh look, now we’ve convinced ourselves we need to clear our whole calendar first.
🧐 “I’ll take this online course to learn all the secrets to start a YouTube channel” → And then you delay and lose the momentum and desire to start a channel.
We trick ourselves into thinking we’re making progress by learning and preparing, but if we never actually do the thing, then… what’s the point?
I mean, I totally relate—I once wanted to record a video, but oh no, my workspace wasn’t clean. So I stopped to clean it. Then I realized I needed a special tripod clamp, so I delayed recording until it arrived in the mail. And next thing you know? Weeks passed, and I still hadn’t hit record.
The excessive learning is another beast. Caren Magill calls it “procrasta-learning” or “procrasta-preparing”—we do all the research, but never actually execute. And the wild part? We don’t even realize how much time we’re wasting getting ready instead of doing the thing.
We are masters at talking ourselves into not starting a project. Steve With ADHD says that we have trust issues with ourselves. We end up preparing too much, getting ourselves wrapped up in all the possibilities and complexities of a project, until it grinds to a halt.
Perfectionism is a self-evaluation of being inadequate.
Sarah Kelly, ADHD Coach
Back-End Perfectionism: The Trap of Never Finishing
Okay, so let’s say you actually start. Yay, right? Well… now Back-End Perfectionism creeps in. This one convinces you that if it’s not absolutely flawless, you can’t turn it in, post it, or let anyone see it.
As one ADHDer put it, “I hyperfocus on every detail to be perfect that I run out of motivation to keep going.” Add to that time blindness and it’s a miracle we get any project done.
I once got completely wrecked by perfectionism while building a company website. My boss (a true deadline fan with unrealistic expectations) decided to force a big reveal of the website at an all-staff meeting before it was ready. Despite my protests, he didn’t care. And suddenly, I had to present a half-baked site in front of everyone.
Was it perfect? Nope. Did I want to crawl into a hole? Absolutely.
Perfectionism played a part in a poor outcome. The proof of my skills were on full display for my new coworkers to judge. The situation was ripe to create pressure and fuel anxiety.
Escaping the Perfectionism Spiral: How to Finally Move Forward
You know that feeling when you stare at your to-do list, knowing exactly what needs to be done, but somehow… you just freeze? Yeah, that’s the perfectionism spiral.
It sneaks in with thoughts like:
🧐 “I can’t start until everything is perfectly set up.” (Front-End Perfectionism)
🧐 “I’ve started, but if it’s not flawless, I can’t finish.” (Back-End Perfectionism)
The result? Nothing gets done. And the frustration builds.
But good news: There are ways to break free.
1. Start With Small Steps
So, what would feel less intimidating? Maybe starting in a way that feels safe—like trying something out privately before sharing it with the world. You don’t have to be an expert on Day 1. In fact, people LOVE seeing the messy, unpolished behind-the-scenes journey. They don’t need perfection; they just want authenticity.
Ask yourself: Do I like the thing, or just the idea of the thing? You’ll never know until you take the first step. And that first step does two things: (1) builds confidence to keep going, or (2) helps you realize it wasn’t what you wanted after all (which is totally fine!).
Ask yourself, “What do I need to do to take the first step?” Overcoming a little at a time is a perfectly good pace.
2. Start Messy and Imperfect
ADHD Coach Mande John has a game-changing idea: Aim for B- work instead of perfection. Why? Because when you allow yourself to do less than perfect work, you’re more likely to start (and actually finish!).
When perfection isn’t the goal, you feel freer to take action, even when it’s uncomfortable. And honestly? A finished B- project is infinitely better than a perfect project that never sees the light of day.
- Clean your workspace enough to function (not for an HGTV photoshoot).
- Use whatever tools you already have instead of obsessing over upgrades.
- Record/write/make/do—without waiting for “perfect” conditions.
Caren Magill says we all start with “You suck”, move into “Mediocrity”, and eventually reach “Awesome (but not perfect).” That’s the goal—not flawlessness, but steady progress toward awesomeness.
If you’ve been waiting for the perfect time to start… just start messy. Imperfection is where all the good stuff happens.
3. Set Boundaries for Yourself
Here’s a simple rule to follow: No new courses. No new research. No more “preparation”—until you’ve actually applied what you’ve already learned. Knowledge without action is just… noise.
Start with the knowledge you have. Tell yourself that there is hidden knowledge in doing so you might as well get started.
4. Redefine “Good Enough”
Perfectionism convinces us that anything less than 100% perfect is failure. But here’s the truth—good enough is actually good enough.
For Back End Perfectionists, review these points of your project:
✔️ Meets the requirements.
✔️ Looks decent enough to share with others.
✔️ Gets the job done, even if it’s not perfect.
Make sure to choose a single condition that defines “good enough.” Beware of the unrealistic standards no one else expects.
5. Practice Self-Compassion (Seriously, You Deserve It)
Perfectionism is exhausting because it’s rooted in fear—fear of failure, rejection, or simply not being good enough. But mistakes? They’re part of the process.
Try these strategies:
✔️ Self-soothing techniques—When stress kicks in, remind yourself that progress matters more than perfection.
✔️ Mindfulness—Pause and notice when perfectionism takes over. Awareness is step one in stopping the cycle.
✔️ Anticipate mistakes—Instead of fearing them, expect them! Learning happens through trial and error.
6. Rewire Your Thinking Around Discomfort
Here’s the wild part—often, it’s not the task itself that makes us uncomfortable. It’s thinking about doing the task that creates the tension – not the thing we need to do.
As ADHD Coach Mande John says, “Once we realize that it’s the thought causing our discomfort, we can change our thinking. Discomfort is the key [catapult] to success.”
This means:
✔️ Recognize discomfort as part of growth instead of a reason to stop.
✔️ Push through the “stuck” feeling, knowing it will fade once you start.
✔️ Celebrate wins, no matter how small. Even messy progress is still progress!
Use brain hacks, like talking to yourself which adds a voice of perspective. For example, recite (out loud) the basic structure of what needs doing and focus on that.
It’s easy to fall into the trap that once there’s discomfort, there is no value in doing anything. Once you can feel discomfort and do something anyway, you can do anything!
7. Admit You’re Struggling (and Get Help If You Need It)
Perfectionism doesn’t just slow us down—it can lead to anxiety, depression, and even eating disorders. If it’s causing serious stress, working with an ADHD coach or therapist can help you navigate the deeper mental roadblocks.
The Bottom Line
Here’s the deal: Perfectionism is just a fancy disguise for fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of proving we’re not good enough.
But guess what? Progress beats perfection every time. The world isn’t waiting for your flawless masterpiece. It just wants to see you create.
So what’s your one small step today? No pressure, no perfection—just movement.
#inthistogether -Renee
